I have an Opinion

I have an opinion. It is mine. It's not right or wrong. It's just my opinion.

I've let this get me down long enough. For a few weeks now, I've been tip-toeing around the elephant on the knitting table. I've become paranoid that something I've said has offended every living thing in a five mile radius. Or, at least my simply being, has offended a few. Since there was no grown up discussion about it, I am left to wonder what it is about me that is so horrible. I am afraid to say the wrong thing to the wrong person. I am afraid that having a frank discussion with another person, alienates others. I've been feeling that everyone would be happy if I just stayed home. Because there is something wrong with my personality. What is so horrible about me?

And today I realized. Nothing. This is me. Good, bad, flakey. Take it or leave it, but I won't wonder if the group wants to vote me off the island anymore. If they don't want me, then they can be grown-ups and ask me to stop coming. And I will respect their wishes. But I'm not going to walk on eggshells any more becasue of a few folks who have decided that they want to separate in a manner that can only be called juvenile. (I recall this happening in 6th grade) That is their choice. Fine.

Someone told me that I wasn't their friend. Ok, I will not force myself on them, and I haven't. I have respected their wishes. One person posted that they want to focus on other areas of their life. Perfectly understandable. I have respected this person's wish and not pried. I'm not their mother or spouse, it isn't my business if they don't want to talk to me. (and yet now they wonder why no one has pried?!)

These people seem not to care about the hurt they have caused others by their pursuit of martyrdom. In their self-righteous snit, they have hurt and alienated people who have never been anything but nice to them. And I don't count myself as one of those number. I am sure I've said something offensive. I have my own opinions and not everyone agrees. Got help the world if that ever happened! So, I am sure that I am one of who they refer to as "mean girls." As the proclaim they only want honesty in their clandestine group's self-description. I say, have at it. But it was childish to remove the main group's logo and alter the name as you removed yourself from the group. There is honest for you.

They are gone by choice. I am not. I will not wonder anymore. I do not care anymore. I will be myself and not afraid. If someone takes issue with an opinion of mine, please speak to me, I rarely bite.

ps-Thank you Katrin for the debate. I honestly enjoyed it.

The Weekend Awaits

Ah, Friday. One of the great days of the week. If done well, it is the closing of all the week's activities, the completion of work for some of us. For Friday brings in the joy of time to be spent living. Closing out the work week and leaving it behind, no stress or homework to take home.

Friday is the great exhalation of the week. Letting it all go. For this is the day that the animal chained to a desk, changes and becomes the person that people like. You remember to laugh. That frustration is pointless and stress accomplishes nothing. Hope for a enjoyable weekend blooms like flowers in the spring; and if there are flowers blooming, then so much the better!

Plans for the weekend are made, friends are called, meals and gatherings anticipated.

And when the boss calls on Friday afternoon, no one faults you for not answering.

The thing about the ring...

My ring is beautiful. And like our relationship and the two people involved in it, my ring is unique. One of a kind. So, in answer to curious questions, yes it is all those colors. It is a color changing sapphire. In daylight and uv, it is green. In incandescent light, it is a deep purpley-red. My sweetie knows me so well. :)

Daylight

Inside

Now I can cry for other reasons!

Of all the things to cry over...

A ring. My engagement ring. Did I loose it? No. Chewed up in the garbage disposal? Flushed down the toilet? Bartered it for yarn? No. I can't, because I can't pick one out!!

And yes, I'm crying over it. Full blown tears. I could no sooner pick a favorite star in the heaven than choose. They are all lovely. I would love any of them, provided that they come with the same man attached.

I do not care what it costs, so I happen to like an inexpensive stone. Is that really so bad? How much money he spends on me does not tell me how much he loves me. I understand that he wants it to be a perfect ring of my dreams. But here is the truth, in 5-10 years we women won't feel the same way about a shiny and a hunk of metal but we will love the man more than when he gave it to us. It's the thought and surprise behind it. In the end, it's a crystalline structure suspended by metallic fastenings over a wearable structure.

It is a symbol that I belong to one man, that he has my heart and that he belongs to me, and I have his heart. But that is all it is. Even with out it, that connection is there, and THAT is what I care about. I feel that I am letting my sweetie down by not being able to decide. I am sitting here in tears crying, diamond or sapphire? Setting?

He has a friend's friend named Roci in the diamond district of NY. I am getting very close to driving up there to tell him to shut the hell up. He wants to sell a diamond. That is what he does. He does not carry emeralds and sapphires, those aren't his trade, but he could. But really, shouldn't you get your girl a diamond? "It's more bang for your buck!" I'll give you bang, buddy. You know what? I don't care about your buck!

I don't plan on selling it. I plan on wearing it until someone pries it off my cold, dead lifeless body to pass it on to a new generation in the family. What makes a heirloom? One that I wear even if it has a chip of glass in it. Because it is the love and the story behind it that makes it special, not it's monetary worth.

I'll cry a little more. Eat some chocolate ice cream, and flip a coin. Maybe I'll make a mini-ball of cashmere lace weight and affix it to a ring and soak it in varnish. The ultimate knitter's engagement ring!

Cat Toy

Had I known...

So I spent hours crocheting a flower out of copper and silver wire for my hair complete with an orange rhinestone in the center. In the end, it did not resemble a flower so much as a shiny bug.

And there was no way to keep the cat away from it. So I have given up trying, it is her most favoritest toy at the moment and gets carried everywhere she goes. I'm so glad my "talent" isn't wasted.

I need to turn off this computer

Just for a little while. I've been neglecting things. While I managed to do much needed cleaning this weekend, the folded laundry still needs to be put away. I need to really get into my work out program. Or at least start be creating one. I've been spending way too much time staring at the internet looking up wedding stuff. I don't even have a date yet, but I can't seem to stop.

Gerber Daisies and Himalayan Poppies? Amaryllis and blue tinted roses? Saffron Apple Jelly or Mulled Apple Jelly? Cathedral or chapel train? Which intermezzo? Orange platforms or crystal slippers? The choices and decisions are endless. Fortunately, none of my family will say any of my ideas are crazy. (they don't want to put me over the edge)

And the issue with all of this soul/wedding searching to find my "Inner Bride" is that I need to knit. I need to catch up! I need to spin the rest of the yarn for my KAL Mothed sweater so I can start working on it again. I have one glove done and a sock, waiting for their pairs. I have the kimono from hell. While it looks simple in only feather and fan stitch, when you are mid way up the back and going 225 stitches across and still increasing, it is really hard not to accidentally kicked under the couch.

But I need to spin and I need to knit. And i need to get focused and stop day-dreaming of chiffon and satin. At least until after this weekend.

"Wait, why aren't you a basket case?"

Easy: Planning. I actually like to do it. I'm good at it. I've spent most of my adult life doing just that for companies. I plan, put out fires and meet the goal. I'm VERY good at it. That's how I earned those pesky job titles like "Director of Operations."

Planning I'm good at. The unexpected and unknown is what gets me. Seeing vague shapes in the ether looming is what gets me. Once an unexpected happens, I can deal with it. It's the waiting and unknown. I like to say that I prefer to be proactive, but the truth is I feel more in control of a situation when I can plan, coordinate and aim for the goal.

In the future, I know that event A will happen. But before event A can happen, items 1-45 need to be done or arranged. Parts of 1-45 can be done before even knowing when event A will take place. Good, I can work with that. And working on that takes my focus away from things I can't control. I can control somethings, I can plan. I can execute. With enough planning, I can make things happen that you would be amazed of. Things you wouldn't think possible.

I've done it before, so just watch me....