Dear Yarn Maker,

I was excited when I saw your yarn. It comes in a ball which works perfectly with my yarn bowl, and I like using it. When I saw the example picture on the tag of how it knits up I was thrilled.

It blends gradually from color to color and back again. Smooth transition with no abrupt lines. Perfect for what I had in mind! I wanted to make socks for a guy. We all know the difficulties here. Must be un-obtrusive in colorway and design. Lets face it. I know very few men who would be willing to wear funky socks (except if the funky was the last pair before the wash that didn't make your eyes water).

So, your gradual blend of white to gray to black seemed perfect! Realistically, only a few inches of socks show when a guy is wearing them with pants. Which ever color shows would be acceptable. I just need to make sure to line up the colors on the two socks. Since I got 2 balls of yarn, this shouldn't have been a problem. Maybe I should have read some of the reviews.

Far enough into the sock, there was a small, loose knot. Now the knot pulled apart quickly and if I hadn't been watching the furry person out of the corner of my eye, I wouldn't have seen it. The cat loves to watch the yarn spin in the bowl in a mesmerized trance, but occasionally she grabs.

For this reason I was keeping an eye on here movements. If I hadn't been, I wouldn't have noticed that the mill had tied two colors together. Not even an attempt at splicing. White, stop, gray. Not even trying to line up colors. Opps! And then I read some reviews.

Apparently, this is something that has happened with out fail to other knitters. Complaining of the same thing. If I was making socks for a small child, this may not have been an issue. But socks for a full grown, large guy on a time line makes it a frustrated f-it issue. Because I'm screwed. It is too late to start a new pair of socks. There is no way to fix it, short of un-winding both balls of yarn in their entirety and hoping that I can splice bits and parts, breaks and shifts into the continuous colorway shift that I thought I was purchasing.

Which I don't have time for. So, for the nice thoughtful going away gift I had in mind, he is going to get some bazaar block and shift pair of socks. And there is no way that they will match. No possible way to line up the colors. I shudder to think of what the second ball will be like.

So curse on you yarn maker for your fraudulent promises of ormbre socks. I know that the only place Secret Agent man will wear these is the couch while he is watching news from around the world to discover where he must fight crime next. But my socks will not go with him when he goes to catch the criminals. They will not protect him or be his lucky socks. Because MenInBlack can't wear socks that look like a Picasso while on duty. My socks will be couch socks.

Really expensive, couch socks. Maybe I should turn your fraudulent promises over to him for prosecution, because as you swindle knitters and crocheters, you are breaking the law and hearts of all those who have bought in to your false promises.

Shame on you!

The socks I don't want to knit

I don't want to knit these socks. Not because they are a boring color, crappy yarn, or anything along those lines. I bought the yarn months ago knowing exactly what I was making and who I was making it for. And why.

A very special friend will be leaving soon due to work. Communication would be at best, intermittent and eventually we will lose touch all together. I know this. I've known this since the on-set. There will literally be oceans between us. Not so bad you say? There is always the internet. Except where he will be, it is not feasible.

I am going to make him socks to take with him as a memento of our time spent together. And as a joke, since where he will be, wool socks would be ridiculous and utterly un-usable.

So I bought the yarn. I picked out the pattern. I even managed to do a swatch. I got feet measurements.

And I have continued to put it off. Because that would mean we are getting closer to that day. The one involving the airport. But time is officially starting to count down. And finally I cast on the sock.

And it is now real. He will be leaving, on my birthday, taking a piece of my heart with him. And a pair of wool socks that will be knitted with my love, blocked with my tears and always carry a part of me. A bit of knitting magic to keep him safe and loved on his adventures.

EEWWWEEE!

So after a year of living in this rental house and scrubbing the kitchen and bathroom floors on a regular basis and not managing to get it to look clean in the slightest, I have decided to take drastic measures. This was one of those things were I knew before I even attempted it, it was going to be a sitcom episode.

I decided what I really needed to do was to strip the floors, re-seal them and re-wax/finish. This process would remove all the years of really bad grime and mop n glo from the no-wax vinyl floors. I decided to start small and do the bathroom first. Here are some things that I learned about stripping the floor in your ONE AND ONLY bathroom:

Make sure your neighbor is home, knows the circumstances and it isn't midnight when you do this.

Make sure that you watch what you eat for the day. Excessive dried fruit and caffeine should be avoided.

Girls, check your calendars to see if Aunt Flo might possibly be visiting!!

The next day, start extra early with the kitchen. 4 hours of sleep is plenty. Remeber that it is only 3 steps. Strip, seal, finish. Easy. HA!

First of all, for the kitchen I had to strip twice. I have to say that washing fresh raw wool was less disgusting and had cleaner wash water than stripping the floor. Both times. It was black. I almost tossed my cookies. I clean the floor every 2 weeks with good old fashioned pinesol detergent or straight bleach. This muck was from layers of dirt that the previous tenants just waxed over.

While it does look better, let me say this: Did I really think I was going to un-earth marble? The vinyl is not a color or pattern I would choose and nothing will make that to my liking, no matter how clean. The dark marks around the toilet did not come up one bit and after examination I understand why. The are not the result of paint, dye or water/mold damage. They are burn marks. My therory is the former disgusting hick tenants at one point blew up the toilet and it was replaced with out replacing the flooring.

I'm not actually surprised about this.