Dear Yarn Maker,

I was excited when I saw your yarn. It comes in a ball which works perfectly with my yarn bowl, and I like using it. When I saw the example picture on the tag of how it knits up I was thrilled.

It blends gradually from color to color and back again. Smooth transition with no abrupt lines. Perfect for what I had in mind! I wanted to make socks for a guy. We all know the difficulties here. Must be un-obtrusive in colorway and design. Lets face it. I know very few men who would be willing to wear funky socks (except if the funky was the last pair before the wash that didn't make your eyes water).

So, your gradual blend of white to gray to black seemed perfect! Realistically, only a few inches of socks show when a guy is wearing them with pants. Which ever color shows would be acceptable. I just need to make sure to line up the colors on the two socks. Since I got 2 balls of yarn, this shouldn't have been a problem. Maybe I should have read some of the reviews.

Far enough into the sock, there was a small, loose knot. Now the knot pulled apart quickly and if I hadn't been watching the furry person out of the corner of my eye, I wouldn't have seen it. The cat loves to watch the yarn spin in the bowl in a mesmerized trance, but occasionally she grabs.

For this reason I was keeping an eye on here movements. If I hadn't been, I wouldn't have noticed that the mill had tied two colors together. Not even an attempt at splicing. White, stop, gray. Not even trying to line up colors. Opps! And then I read some reviews.

Apparently, this is something that has happened with out fail to other knitters. Complaining of the same thing. If I was making socks for a small child, this may not have been an issue. But socks for a full grown, large guy on a time line makes it a frustrated f-it issue. Because I'm screwed. It is too late to start a new pair of socks. There is no way to fix it, short of un-winding both balls of yarn in their entirety and hoping that I can splice bits and parts, breaks and shifts into the continuous colorway shift that I thought I was purchasing.

Which I don't have time for. So, for the nice thoughtful going away gift I had in mind, he is going to get some bazaar block and shift pair of socks. And there is no way that they will match. No possible way to line up the colors. I shudder to think of what the second ball will be like.

So curse on you yarn maker for your fraudulent promises of ormbre socks. I know that the only place Secret Agent man will wear these is the couch while he is watching news from around the world to discover where he must fight crime next. But my socks will not go with him when he goes to catch the criminals. They will not protect him or be his lucky socks. Because MenInBlack can't wear socks that look like a Picasso while on duty. My socks will be couch socks.

Really expensive, couch socks. Maybe I should turn your fraudulent promises over to him for prosecution, because as you swindle knitters and crocheters, you are breaking the law and hearts of all those who have bought in to your false promises.

Shame on you!